Time for a list: 3 ways to stay calm even if things are exploding around you

I have this magnet on my refrigerator:

Isn’t that so nice? Whoever wrote that is really good at quotes. It makes perfect sense to me!

There’s just one thing missing, though: How, exactly, one gets to be that way “in the midst of” all the “noise, trouble, [and] hard work”.

That’s kind of an important piece, don’t you think?

I bought the magnet long before I actually knew how to do that. Through trial and error (mostly error), I learned what works…and what definitely doesn’t.

Here is what definitely doesn’t work:

• resisting “what is”;

• pretending I have zero responsibility in the situation to manage my emotions and reactions;

• ignoring the situation entirely;

• inappropriately gauging the level of seriousness of the situation and making every challenge of equal gravity.

Here is what does work (at least for me, and, it is hoped, what will work for you, too):

1. Breathe. I’m not letting myself off the hook with this one; it’s actually incredibly important, and absolutely necessary before you do or think about doing the other two things. Typically, when we are in the middle of a crisis (or even just mildly stressed out about something), we tend to breathe more shallowly, thus limiting the amount of oxygen getting to our brains. This activates Panic Mode almost instantly, and even if we know we can totally handle the situation, it is easy for us to become convinced that we cannot handle it. So, focus first on your breathing. If it helps, close your eyes and feel your lungs filling with good, clean oxygen, and as you exhale, visualize the “icky” feelings leaving your body. It won’t change the situation, however it will help you to think more clearly before you attempt to…

2. Assess what is actually going on (a.k.a. “The Facts”). Let’s say you’re about to leave your house for work. You happen to have a very important meeting first thing that morning. You go out to your car, and upon turning the key in the ignition, discover that your car won’t start. Perhaps you think, “This cannot be happening.” Perhaps you even start to catastrophize and mentally go through the chain of events that will most definitely lead to you getting fired and losing everything. I understand completely. It’s what I used to do.

   The thing is that your interpretation of what’s going on isn’t helping you.
   
   What’s most important is just what is actually happening. So assess
   that; in this case, what is happening is that your car won’t start. That’s it.
   Go from there.

3. Believe in your ability to handle anything that comes your way. This does not mean you need to handle everything alone; in fact, most of the time, just hearing someone we trust say to us, “You’ve got this” can help us to remember that we do. If that person isn’t available, however, or if it’s not an appropriate time to call that person, believing in your ability to manage the situation will help you move mountains. I know that when I’m with my students, anything (and I…mean…ANYTHING) can happen at any moment. Though it would be nearly impossible for me to prepare for every single possible scenario, what I can do is believe that no matter what, I can handle it. And I do, and I can.

   And so can you.

   Here’s that magnet again:

Thank you, “unknown”.