I have this magnet on my refrigerator:

Isn’t that so nice? Whoever wrote that is really good at quotes. It makes perfect sense to me!

There’s just one thing missing, though: How, exactly, one gets to be that way “in the midst of” all the “noise, trouble, [and] hard work”.

That’s kind of an important piece, don’t you think?

I bought the magnet long before I actually knew how to do that. Through trial and error (mostly error), I learned what works…and what definitely doesn’t.

Here is what definitely doesn’t work:

• resisting “what is”;

• pretending I have zero responsibility in the situation to manage my emotions and reactions;

• ignoring the situation entirely;

• inappropriately gauging the level of seriousness of the situation and making every challenge of equal gravity.

Here is what does work (at least for me, and, it is hoped, what will work for you, too):

1. Breathe. I’m not letting...

I’ll let you in on a little secret…people love to complain.

A lot.

A lot.

I’ll tell you that during most of this past winter, I heard person after person complain about the snow.

“Snow again??”

or

“It’s still snowing?”

And sometimes I got this one: “Why can’t it just be spring already?”

I bit my tongue so many times this winter I’m surprised I still have one left in my mouth!

I fought the urge to say things like, “Did you know that it can snow in the wintertime?” or “Hey, I’ve gone thirty minutes or so without someone complaining about the cold. Could you hook me up?”

There is a part of my brain that loves sarcasm. In real life, I avoid it because it never translates well (and never over text or e-mail…please!), and generally ends up hurting or confusing the other person.

The point I want to make here is how often, even just in regular conversation, it occurs to people...

…just for this year, you took on one huge new adventure or project that would allow you to completely fall in love with the world?

…just for this spring, you took one day away from your phone, your computer, and your TV to drive somewhere and completely immerse yourself in nature?

…just for this month, you did ONE anonymous kind thing every day with zero expectation of return?

…just for this week, you stopped wishing it were Friday already?

…just for today, you didn’t worry about how much you have to do?

…just for this minute, you let go of every negative thing you’re thinking and realized how OK you really are?

What if, just for this moment, you remembered to live as if you only had one life?

Over the last week or so, have you said one or all of the following phrases?

“This is too/so hard!”

“Uhhh! Why does this always happen to me?”

“Seriously? Are you kidding me?”

“This is not fair!”

“I can’t do [this]!”

Maybe if you personally haven’t said them, you’ve heard someone else say them or you’ve said them at some point in your life. I totally get it. I’ve said them a million times, too.

Here’s the thing: They are all really powerless phrases.

These kinds of utterances do two things: ​deprive you of your personal power (and responsibility…more on that in a minute), and suggest that LIFE is actually the one in charge.

Life has no capacity to think for itself, no feelings or heart or soul, so how could it possibly be responsible for ANYTHING?

Truthfully, it’s not responsible for anything. But YOU are. Because you have all those things: the ability to think and feel...

When I was a very wise (wink wink) nineteen year-old, I agreed to get my nose pierced on a dare. My friends and I were on South Street, and back then I wanted people to like me so bad that if my friends dared me to do something, I instantly accepted the dare so that people could fawn all over me and my “courage”. I still cringe when I think about some of the things I did.

The person who pierced my nose on that dare used a piercing gun, which, I found out later, is not the correct tool to use to pierce a nostril. The piercing began to sink, and within a week I had to take it out of my nose. After realizing I actually loved how it looked, about a month later I went home and got “the real deal”, with the correct tool (hollow needle). I wore that nose ring very proudly for a little under a year before I had to remove it for student teaching. Darn.

Up until about five years ago, when I...

(Quick note before you start reading: Feel free to change “plates” to whatever thing you’re saving for a “special occasion”.)

A lot of people have that cabinet – the one with the fancy plates, the ones that only come out on Thanksgiving or for a dinner party, or when relatives who they haven’t seen in years suddenly announce a visit. It’s that cabinet, and those plates, and there they sit, waiting for someone to take them out and use them, show them off, be proud of them.

Now, of course plates don’t have feelings. It’s a metaphor.

For how we sit. And wait. And collect metaphorical dust, waiting for life to just suddenly happen. For things to “get better”, for things to “settle down”, for a moment when we “have more time” or “more money”.

For someone to give us permission to live our lives the way we really want to be living them.

Most people I know do it, or have done it. I have...

There is a scene in the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall where Paul Rudd’s character, Chuck (who calls himself “Kunu”), is teaching Jason Segel’s character, Peter, how to surf. Kunu has Peter lying on a surfboard on the beach, and is doing his best version of instructing on the sand. The exchange goes something like this:

Kunu: “Don’t do anything. Do nothing.”

Peter does nothing

Kunu: “Let’s see you pop it up.”

Peter gets up from the board

Kunu: “That’s not it. Do less. Get down. Try less.”

Peter goes back down onto the board

Kunu: “Pop up. Do less. Do it again.”

Peter starts to get up from the board again

Kunu: “Don’t do anything. Nothing. Pop up.”

Peter just lies there, doing nothing

Kunu: “No, you’re just lying there. Pop up.”

The entire exchange is absurd, frustrating, and quite funny.

I have been on both sides of that conversation at one point or another in my life. I...

Read through all steps before beginning. You’ll need about 5-7 minutes.

1. Sit down and close your eyes. Get settled into wherever you’re sitting.

2. Take a slow, deep breath in. Hold it for a few seconds, then let it out slowly. Repeat.

3. Relaxing your whole body, begin to breathe normally. Focus your thoughts. Answer the following questions in your mind.

What will tomorrow be like for me?

What energy will I allow to enter my personal space?

What energy will I allow to leave my personal space?

How will I stretch myself to do something outside of my comfort zone? (Even if it’s just a little bit.)

What positive quality will I practice? (For example: kindness, patience, compassion, etc.)

You could just let tomorrow happen and wait to see how it goes. Or you could decide how it’s going to go.

The choice, as always, is yours.

I’m excited to bring to you today my very first original riddle!

Ready?

I’m thinking of something that is completely free of charge. It is available to you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. It’s as abundant or as scarce as you want it to be, and you’ll never run out of it as long as you’re alive. You can also give as much of it away as you would like without ever depleting your own supply; in fact, the more you give, the more of it you have to give. You have the ability to decide how and when it shows up in your life, and under what circumstances you acknowledge it, or if you ever actually do. It’s one of most difficult things to have for more than even a few seconds at a time, and most people forget it exists.

What do you think? I’ll give you a tiny hint: it’s not “time”.

Here are a couple more clues:

*There is no way to really measure it.

*It’s almost always the...

Here is one thing about which I am 100% certain: The success of my life depends in very, very large part on the habits I create for myself.

Likewise, the success of your life depends in very, very large part on the habits you create for yourself. Some people reading this may want to argue with me, tell me that’s not true, that the formula is actually much more complicated, or that life circumstances make things difficult.

Let’s get this right out of the way: It is not more complicated than that.

People wanting it to be more difficult are most likely looking for an excuse to not have to step outside of their comfort zones, and by doing so, they get to avoid taking full responsibility for the success of their lives.

Yep, I said it.

There are really only two kinds of habits: Good and Bad. The good ones are usually known as being tough to create (and sometimes even tougher to keep)...